Buddhism and Buddhist meditation are concepts that, until recently, I have only understood in a simplistic and stereotypical way. Taking a Buddhism class has started to correct some of my strange misconceptions, but I'm still wrapped up in the idea of "pop-Buddhism" that has permeated Western culture. As a result, I have always seen Buddhism as exotic, ethereal, and unattainable. When I think of meditation, the first image that comes into my head is of an old man dressed in flowing robes sitting motionless in the middle of an empty room. He is content because he has completely emptied his mind. He could sit for hours without feeling pain or fatigue. One of the stories of meditation that has stuck with me came from my friend who recounted the legend of Bodhidharma, a Chinese monk who sat and stared at a wall until his arms and legs fell off. Although I understood this is metaphor designed to teach a lesson of commitment, it helped solidify my opinion of meditation practitioners: I have absolutely nothing in common with these people.
My past flirtations with meditation have all proved to be frustrating and pointless. My attempts to clear my mind always end with me sitting with my eyes closed and realizing just how much is going on inside my head at any given time. My clothes itch, every terrible song on the radio plays in my mind on repeat, the background voices shift from a sedate cocktail party to a screaming mob, and all the while a very disgruntled voice is pouting, "You're supposed to EMPTY your mind. Why can't you do that ONE SIMPLE THING." Needless to say, I generally give up at this point and immerse myself in a mindless TV show to take the edge off my failure.
Perhaps I've been doing it wrong.
Perhaps the problem is that I have tried to jump into meditation without reading the instruction manual. Instead, I've watched the late night infomercial about meditation and decided that I am completely prepared for my imminent enlightenment. And then, when nothing happens after ten minutes of laboriously controlled breathing, I have always assumed that this was not for me.
I would like to change that.
This is my attempt to stop and acknowledge how little I know about meditation and to take the first steps to correct that. Over the next month, I will endeavor to add a jolt of mindfulness to one small activity: drawing. Instead of expecting a complete transformation of my entire life, I will try to pay close attention to how this process feels, how it changes my art, and if it bleeds out into the rest of my life in any way.
I'm exited to see where this goes.
My past flirtations with meditation have all proved to be frustrating and pointless. My attempts to clear my mind always end with me sitting with my eyes closed and realizing just how much is going on inside my head at any given time. My clothes itch, every terrible song on the radio plays in my mind on repeat, the background voices shift from a sedate cocktail party to a screaming mob, and all the while a very disgruntled voice is pouting, "You're supposed to EMPTY your mind. Why can't you do that ONE SIMPLE THING." Needless to say, I generally give up at this point and immerse myself in a mindless TV show to take the edge off my failure.
Perhaps I've been doing it wrong.
Perhaps the problem is that I have tried to jump into meditation without reading the instruction manual. Instead, I've watched the late night infomercial about meditation and decided that I am completely prepared for my imminent enlightenment. And then, when nothing happens after ten minutes of laboriously controlled breathing, I have always assumed that this was not for me.
I would like to change that.
This is my attempt to stop and acknowledge how little I know about meditation and to take the first steps to correct that. Over the next month, I will endeavor to add a jolt of mindfulness to one small activity: drawing. Instead of expecting a complete transformation of my entire life, I will try to pay close attention to how this process feels, how it changes my art, and if it bleeds out into the rest of my life in any way.
I'm exited to see where this goes.
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